Two Steps Back

I received some devastating-to-me news a day or so ago that is going to greatly impact my current health improvement journey. At best, it’s going to mean a reduction in services. At worst, it could mean losing them altogether.

Either way, it’s going to mean a loss of ground I’ve worked extremely hard to gain. The only question is, how much loss will there be? This is terrifying and upsetting to me as I have worked too hard and too long to slip backwards. I never want to return to where I was.

I have the utmost respect for my healthcare providers. We have been (and will continue to be I hope), a good team. I have done my part, which was to show up, make the effort and be committed.

They then worked their magic. Their expertise, along with their patience and their respect is the reason my road to recovery has been as successful as it has been. They have never given up on me even when I was ready to give up.

There are other factors involved here as well, which I can’t get into, but suffice to say these factors have also had a positive effect in a major way. Now, these factors are about to be destroyed, for no good reason.


Destruction for the sole purpose of destroying. Cruel and uncalled for but far beyond my control. I feel horrible as I wait for this to unfold, but there is nothing I can do, besides sit by and watch. The fallout from this will leave a road of destruction too, with me left to pick up the pieces so to speak.

I do not want to lose these providers. It’s too much to lose and I simply can not allow this to happen. It’s true, I could just go find new providers but I do not want to. It would be next to impossible to find the same level of care provided by my current ones.

There are other things about this situation that upset me. It’s complicated. Many things are intertwined here – everything overlaps on everything. I am upset for these providers. They are genuinely wonderful and caring people and I have come to see them more as friends.

Again though, there is nothing I can do. I feel so helpless.

This is not the first time I’ve had the carpet pulled out from underneath me so to speak and it won’t be the last. I just need to regroup here and work things out. I have not come this far to lose it all now and so fight I will!

Trying to express to them just how badly I feel about everything could be another matter though. Hopefully, I can.

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